Leap to launch

Three years in a row.  Three years in a row I was reminded of my vulnerabilities and wounds.  Either at times when I was very low vibration and feeling lost and depressed like three years ago or when I was on the edge of moving into higher levels of evolution and growth like this year felt.  Three years ago I had rashes all over my body. I had just returned from a work trip where I spent time in rural Ethiopia. I was always taught that when you are offered food it is disrespectful to deny food from hosts, particularly those in conditions of poverty. So of course, when I was offered curdled milk with some Ethiopian blend of chili powder I graciously and humbly accepted despite my slight lactose intolerance and despite the subtle warnings of my two colleagues who had respectfully declined the unappetizing gut bomb before me. When I travel – which is my number one passion in life – I become the best version of myself. I become fearless and confident and radiant and full of life, love and bliss (how I think everyday should be despite the location). So during this “mission” – as we say in the militaristic international institution I work for – I was fearlessly eating everything any local was eating. So it wasn’t shocking that after arriving back to home-base in New York City that I broke out in terrible hives. My first reaction as many of us were always taught is that when our stomachs are upset or when our skin has a conniption fit that we blame the food we ate. We were not taught to look at food as medicine to HEAL nor as our ailments and disease as physical manifestations of our emotional or mental dis-ease.  To live WITH ease is a goal and to avoid situations of DIS – ease is a whole other goal. So, though I had been studying yoga, meditation, and more and more food as medicine, I was less familiar with self-diagnosing emotional and mental ailments.  Two years ago, I was a bit more trained to LISTEN to my body and be my own inner authority.  Though I was deeply into various spiritual practices and was taking many classes and workshops, my day job was breaking me down – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. After a few months of pure insanity at work, I got off my meditation pillow while at my second home, Maha Rose in Greenpoint Brooklyn, and I  “broke my back” – that fear and vulnerability and helplessness of your lower back muscles screaming for help and inflaming so intensely in order to PROTECT themselves from the chaos that I was inflicting on my body and on my literal backbone that supports my physical body and enables me in life. It said, ‘no more.’  Months of doctors, orthopedic doctors, orthopedic surgeons, chiropractors, acupuncture, Reiki, infrared saunas and physical therapy helped me heal. But this physical tear in my L4/L5 disc is not going away.  My body, my vessel is wounded. And this vulnerability needs to be cared for with EASE.  This year, 2020 the start of a new decade. The year started out with travels to family in Chile. Traveling again makes me my best self so I was blissful and my heart was full. Yet, I had not been taking care of my body. I had not been trusting myself with my practices. And one cold night at Dance Church (highly recommend), I fell on my ankle and sprained it. Minor, but it was that yearly reminder that in order to grow, in order to evolve, to get to that next level we must face our vulnerabilities, heal our wounds and have courage to take the leap and to expose our true self. Inspired by Mama Medicine, I recall the words of Kaypacha that inspired me to finally take the leap and launch this website:  “we may feel inadequate, insecure, unprepared, nor ready” but we feel the nudge, the pull, the call to experience sharing our truth and sharing ourselves.  If only to share stories of vulnerability, learning and growth, I hope this space serves you.